Five steps to resolving conflict with your colleagues (because things are getting real tense).

Professional relationships fundamentally shape our work environment and organizational success. Strong workplace connections drive collaboration, fuel innovation, and create a positive culture where people thrive. When these relationships face challenges, their impact reverberates throughout the organization.

I've helped over a dozen organizations navigate tense conflict at their workplaces over the past year, and this guide distills what I've learned in the process. Here are five key insights and practical strategies for transforming workplace conflicts into opportunities for strengthening professional bonds and building more resilient teams.

Step 1: Cool Down and Reset

After a conflict, emotions run high. You might feel hurt, frustrated, or angry. That's normal. Here's what to do:

• Start with a simple acknowledgment: "I know things are tense right now, and I want us to work through this."

• Take a breather. This could be a coffee break or a few days to process. Use this time to think clearly about what happened.

• Create a safe space to talk. Set some ground rules that let both people share honestly while staying professional.

• Remember the good times. Think about projects you've completed together or challenges you've overcome. This helps put the current conflict in perspective.

Step 2: Listen and Understand

Getting past conflict starts with really hearing each other out. For many of us, this can be particularly challenging when we're convinced of our own point of view or feeling unsafe or defensive. Remember that your colleague's perspective, even if different from yours, is shaped by their own experiences, pressures, and challenges that you might not see. Try this approach:

• Share your perspective using "I" statements. Instead of "You always rush things," try "I felt overwhelmed when the deadline changed."

• Listen without interrupting. Make eye contact and save your questions for after they finish speaking. If you find your mind racing to respond, try focusing on simply repeating their words in your head to stay present.

• Look for patterns. Are certain situations always causing tension? Understanding these patterns helps prevent future conflicts.

Step 3: Get Curious, Not Defensive

When someone reacts differently than you expect, get curious about why. For instance, if a teammate seems unusually resistant to your project timeline, instead of thinking "they're being difficult," try opening a dialogue:

"I notice you seem concerned about these deadlines. Could you help me understand what specific challenges you're seeing?"

They might reveal that their team is understaffed, they're juggling multiple urgent projects, or they've learned from past experience that certain tasks take longer than expected. This kind of conversation allows you to:

• Ask questions to understand their concerns instead of defending your position

• Look for new ways to work together. Old habits might need updating

• Stay open to different approaches. What worked before might not work now

Step 4: Make a Plan Together

Create clear guidelines for working together going forward. Even if the air still feels tense, having a structured plan helps take the emotion out of day-to-day interactions. Remember that you don't need to be best friends to work together effectively - focus on establishing professional protocols that work for everyone:

• Agree on how you'll communicate (email, chat, in-person meetings). Be specific - for instance, "urgent items get a phone call, status updates go in email."

• Set up regular check-ins to talk about how things are going. Keep these brief and focused on work progress at first if emotions are still raw.

• Write down specific actions each person will take to improve the relationship. Document these agreements to avoid misunderstandings later.

Step 5: Keep Growing

Building strong work relationships isn't a sprint - it's a marathon. Even when you've worked through a conflict, you'll need patience as you rebuild trust. Watch for those everyday wins that show you're on the right track: a meeting where you both felt heard, a project deadline met without stress, or even just an easy conversation by the coffee machine.

• Take note when things go well - like when you handle a tricky situation without the old tension rising up, or when giving feedback feels natural again

• If you hit a bump in the road, don't let it derail you. Each challenging moment is actually a chance to try out your new way of working together

• Step up for new projects together. There's nothing like a fresh challenge to help you both move past old habits and create some positive shared experiences

Important Note: Sometimes workplace relationships face serious challenges that go beyond normal conflict. If you experience harassment, abuse, or persistent negative behavior:

• Your safety and wellbeing come first

• Document everything

• Set clear, firm boundaries

• Reach out to HR or appropriate authorities

• Don't feel pressured to repair relationships that put you at risk

In these cases, focus on protecting yourself and getting support from HR or appropriate authorities rather than trying to repair the relationship alone.

Remember: Good relationships at work don't happen by accident. They take effort from everyone involved. The investment we make in working through conflicts pays off. It helps create workplaces where people want to be, where good work gets done, and where everyone can grow professionally. While we can't avoid all disagreements at work, we can choose how we handle them. That choice shapes not just our individual relationships, but our entire workplace culture.

Rupture and Repair in the Workplace

Tuesday, February 11 | 3-5pm EST

This two-hour intensive session focuses on navigating moments of tension and conflict as they arise in professional settings. Participants will learn practical, real-time strategies for de-escalating situations, intervening effectively, and rebuilding trust after moments of rupture.

Through hands-on practice and scenario work, we’ll develop a personalized toolkit for addressing workplace tensions while maintaining cultural awareness and psychological safety.