"How do I help my direct reports work better together?"

"How do I help my direct reports work better together?"

"One of my direct reports came to me upset about a conflict with a colleague. I asked if they'd tried talking to the person directly first, and they said they 'shouldn't have to.' I'm torn between supporting my employee and not wanting to be the middleman for every workplace issue. What's my actual role here?"

When an employee says they "shouldn't have to" address issues directly, they’re setting a boundary on how far they’re willing to engage, which makes managers feel they need to bridge that gap. I’m curious to what extent that this behavior is enforced, or even encouraged, by your workplace culture? Was that an implicit or explicit responsibility assigned to you by your role? Is the default that managers navigate conflict on behalf of others? Asking these questions – to yourself, your peers, and your direct report, where applicable – can help to shape whether or not you need to intervene.

But let’s address the issue at hand. Ideally, your role is that of a coach, not a crisis responder. Start by validating their feelings: "I can see this situation is really frustrating for you." Then pivot to skill-building: "Let's think through how you might approach this conversation. What outcome are you hoping for? What tools are available for you?"

You can provide support by offering to roleplay the conversation, provide scripts for difficult topics, or even facilitate an initial discussion between them. But, unless it’s clear your organization has set this precedent or there’s a threat to the parties’ immediate safety, make it clear that cannot handle their interpersonal relationships for them. Most conflicts between peers need to be resolved between peers—your job is to give them the tools and confidence to do it well.

A side note: it sounds like your organization hasn’t created a formal conflict resolution policy. Every organization, but conflict-averse ones like yours, can benefit from comprehensive workplace conflict policies and procedures. Consider scheduling time with other key stakeholders to discuss your ideal approach to conflict, gather other examples like the issue you’re addressing now, and what resources you have to start the process.

Looking for a custom session for your workplace? Book time with our team to discuss how we can facilitate a workshop, mediation session or advise you on how to navigate tension.